I need to get rid of my emotional baggage but I don't know how?

Almost five months ago I got out of a year and a half relationship and it was bad, for the last year of our relationship i feel like he did nothing but emotionally scar me. I should have left him when all of it started but I didn't see it then all I knew was that I loved him and I wanted to be with him. He told me things like I wasn't pretty, I was a whore, I would never find another guy who would treat me as good as he treated me, I was a bad girlfriend and that I wasn't good enough for him.



Every time we got into a fight and I would try and brake up with him he always got me to change my mind and make me feel like I was the bad one in the relationship. The night before we broke up I was trying to brake up with him and he talked me into staying and the next night he broke up with me saying ';He wanted to f*ck other girls and he would be back in two months.';



It broke my heart hearing him say that and I know now that I was stupid for saying with him as long as I did but I wanted to believe I found the person I was going to spend my life with. The brake up was hard I was crying everyday for two weeks and having trouble eating and sleeping and to top it off he was STILL playing games with me. One day he would be saying ho much he loves me and misses me and the next day he would be saying how he wants to be friends. Twice he even said he wanted to get back together with me and I wanted FOUR HOURS for him to show up and he never did. I finally got to the point where I realized I could do so much better then him and I told him to delete my number because I never wanted to hear from him again, and we haven't talked since.



I'm in another relationship now and I'm trying to start over and overcome my past but in the back of my head I can't help feeling like this relationship is going to turn out like my last and I'm so scared to go through that again. I know this guy is nothing like my ex but I'm scared and I'm scared my emotional baggage is going to push him away. So do you have any tips on how I can overcome my past and drop my baggage?I need to get rid of my emotional baggage but I don't know how?
Don't drag the ugly relationship into your new relationship or it will be ruined. Just be thankful you found someone nice and focus on that.I need to get rid of my emotional baggage but I don't know how?
counseling and talk to your current bf and let him know that you love him and let him know what your ex put you through if he loves you he will stand by you and be patient
The good news is all the answers to these questions are within yourself. The bad news is you have so much emotional baggage I'm not sure you should be in another relationship because you haven't fixed the relationship you have with yourself. Your ex sounds like a real A** but you let him treat you like that and until you figure out why you believe that you deserve to be treated like crap you will continue to allow people to treat you like that. My suggestion is to read every self help book you can get your hands on until you find one that speaks to you so you can figure out why you have set such low standards for the people you've allowed in your life and into your bedroom. Demand more for yourself and that's what you'll receive.
First, we were not really given the ability to forget, but it is important to forgive. Forgive your ex. (And forgive yourself too for making the wrong decision of being with that jerk).



Second, you have to focus on the present guy. I hope he is not a rebound relationship, because it will be so unfair for him (I am starting to put myself in his shoes, of what I will feel if ever I found out you are still haunted by your past relationship).



He has nothing to do with your past, but he surely has something to do with your present and future. So spend time with him, talk with him about anything and try not to think about your past mistakes. Your ex doesn't deserve any reminiscing or whatsoever. He ruined it and he does not deserve any memories in your heart and in your mind. So thinking about him should even make you shiver and regretful that you allowed him to be with you for a year and a half.



It will take time to make those internal cuts and wounds heal. But for now, you deserve to be happy, because the moron out there is having fun like who cares. Spend time with your present BF. Have fun and love each other dearly! :)
I can relate to how you feel, I have dealt with men like this and am now in the process of divorce with one.



It is hard to do this on your own, get therapy. Most employers offer an employee assistance program for free therapy for a certain number of visits, and then just pay a co-pay for how ever many more visits you take. A therapist is trained to help you deal with the emotions and help you get healthy emotionally. Either call your HR or your health insurance company to inquire.



It is hard to get into a new relationship after being abused, because you compare him to your ex and fear the abuse happening again. You are probably not ready to be in a relationship and fully give yourself yet. You must heal yourself first. I would have a chat with your current man about your feelings, be open and honest. If he cant accept it, then he is not right for you and will only create more confusion and emotional baggage.
If you can, look at your past b/f as someone who was sick, because he was just that! Someone who had one sick mind %26amp; hurt you badly with it playing games with your head. This new person is nothing like him. He is NOT sick. So if you can, tell yourself you are not going to bring this ';sickness'; into your new relationship. Take away the ';power'; he has holding over your mind. The power of his controlling sickness. You KNOW your new b/f is nothing like him in any way. So free yourself from him by putting him in your past %26amp; leaving him there. Don't accept the unacceptable with him. You are not going to bring this disease into this new relationship with you, so let it go. Keep going forward with your new life. I believe in time you WILL be able to overcome the past as your life has been replaced with happiness. You have nothing to be afraid of, your new love WILL carry you thru. It will overtake all the scars %26amp; heal them. You have nothing to fear but fear itself. I've proved that 99.9% of what we worry about never happens. I've ';preached'; this to my adult children who have now realized this themselves. So you can be another one to prove that to be true. The past is forever gone, the future is still our own. In time you WILL overcome this as happiness takes over in your life %26amp; you suddenly realize there's absolutely nothing to worry about after all. You WILL gain strength from all this %26amp; end up a far better happier person from it all. If we do things rite they will work out rite, I DO wish you all the best %26amp; just KNOW you'll be OK in the future...:)